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Pismo Beach

Let's all go to the lobby...

... to get ourselves a treat.

It's movie time, kids. After a rather nice day off in which I ran a mile, worked on my screenplay, cleaned my bathroom, spit at the Red Sox players every time they came on my TV screen, and still managed to find time to shower, I decided that I was going to cap the evening off with a nice and easy viewing of one my favorite movies. So, I stumbled over to my DVD rack.

I don't have a ton of DVD's. I don't have a ton of DVD's because, as fate would ironically have it, I'm not a huge fan of movies. Oh, sure, the movies that I love... I loooovvveee. And I love adding a new movie to that list. Yet I just don't enjoy taking time out to watch movies I've never seen, movies I'm not sure about seeing, movies someone else tells me to see, etc. Don't ask me why. I don't understand it. I'll go through stretches where I don't see a movie in the theaters for months upon months... even missing movies I've been waiting to see. People have loaned me movies and I'll leave the DVD on my desk for almost a full calendar year before handing it back to the owner and saying, "Oh, yeah, great movie. Loved that scene with the guy doing that stuff before the one thing blows up." They'll respond that it was a period piece drama with no explosions. I'll then run away. Once someone at work forced me to take a DVD I didn't want to watch. I put it in the trash.

So, that said, I only have a small amount of movies to choose from, but they all have some great meaning to me. 95 percent of the movies in my collection have great personal meaning to me. The rest of them are just mistakes or guilty pleasures. So, what movie did I pick?

I didn't pick.

I couldn't decide. I couldn't find any sync in my soul. I couldn't make a choice and stick with it.

So, I did the next best thing. I went on YouTube and watched the movie trailers for my favorite flicks. And when one gets lost on YouTube, that usually means one thing... a lazy blog full of links to those aforementioned trailers with a lame write-up of what it is about those movies and/ or trailers I love.

Sounds like a good idea. Here goes nothing:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

All the hip kids loved this motion picture of love and memory erasing. And, hey, look, there's Frodo and he stole Kate Winslet's panties. Well, I loved it, too. Like many quiet, shy loser dudes of my ilk, I was hooked when Jim Carrey's character wondered why he always fell in love with every woman that looked at him. There was a time... 1988 to 2005... when I did that every other day. The trailer gets points for being quirky, enticing, and... short.

About a Boy

I'm a Nick Horby-phile, so you would think it was a no brainer that I would love this version of Hornby's second best book. (Behind High Fidelity, of course!) Yet the book carries a somewhat different tone and focus than the movie (Set in 1993/ 94, a major subplot of the book is based around Kurt Cobain's suicide.) and the pages never affected me in the way the film did. Despite this somewhat underwhelming and sappy trailer, the movie struck a deep chord with me as I had begun to pull up my emotional stakes and pull out of love and life. I had moved back to the emotional island I first inhabited around 1988. (See above.) This movie, with its main character's isolation boiling over after one final failed attempt to love, was my collective theme song for a long stretch of time. And, seriously, didn't Rachel Weisz capture that "so hot in that please be my girlfriend and then marry me" sorta way?

Shopgirl

Along the same vein is Steve Martin's ode to his own romantic troubles. (I'm sure he'd deny that, though!) The book was good. After a second reading it was really good. The movie draws mixed reactions from even the most loyal of Steve Martin fans. I honestly can't judge the movie because I was so immediately drawn to all three main characters. I've spent time in the emotional shoes of all of them, but, at the time that this movie's release, I was firmly entrenched on the same path as Steve Martin's character, Ray Porter. Despite any good traits, he (I) refused to let himself love or be loved. It is the easier path to shelter than to possibly face pain. I cried in the theater at the end of this movie because I saw it as a warning shot across my hidden heart. To my credit... yeah, MY credit... I listened. The trailer captures the tone of that sparse emotional landscape rather well.

Almost Famous

Cameron Crowe's masterpiece. Say what you will about "show(ing) me the money" or holding a boom box above one's head to woo a girl, this movie is Crowe's best because it is his life story. Young kid magically becomes a music journalist at the tail end of rock's greatest era. Like any Crowe movie it wears it's heart on it's sleeve. Just the way I like 'em. The trailer is straight forward, but epic in nature... plus it allows one a peak at a pre-Office Rain Wilson. And for trivia buffs, this picture is the first time many of us nerd-like dudes said, "Who's that?"

Love, Actually

Yep. I like it. I bought into it. I like it when Hugh Grant stumbles and bumbles his way into love. I loved the cheesy nature of it. I love when the kid ran after the girl. I like when Rowan Atkinson returns to save the day. I liked the lovey-dovey-ness of the whole thing. I'm sorry!

Collateral

Fine. I'm done with the romantic comedies. How 'bout a ruthless sociopath meets a failed dreamer of a cab driver? Oh, that's right, you don't like Tom Cruise. He's crazy, jumps on couches, worships aliens. Yep, yep. I'm with you, too. He's nutty. Don't care. I love some of his work and this is the best for my (color of) money. He made the killer just sympathetic enough that you started to root for him. (This and Alec Baldwin in The Cooler are the text book lessons on doing that.) I am forever drawn to this movie because I am both Cruise's killer and Foxx's cabbie. Bonus clip time.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Let's keep the gunshots going... Oh, yeah, now you all love him. Iron Man! Iron Man! Whatever. For my money, RDJ "came back" in this 2005 picture. Funny and suspenseful with some of the best commentary on the H-Wood/ Los Angeles scene you can find. If you don't like this movie, I'll probably stop being friends with you. For at least a few days.

Magnolia

After Roller Girl and before he taught you all to "drink your milkshake," Paul Thomas Anderson sent this gem into the world. I was mesmerized by this trailer. I honestly think it's as epic as the film itself. There's something about the Ricky Jay voice over and ominous Jon Brion score that roped me in back in ol' 1999. Some will live and die by Boogie Nights and I cannot take that away from those folks, but Magnolia affected the way I looked at screenwriting and got me hooked on stories about tremendously flawed yet redeemable characters. I actually have not allowed myself to watch this movie for years because I want to one day put it in and have it affect me all over again. And, hey, look, more Tom Cruise!

The Royal Tenenbaums

Either you love Wes Anderson films or you think they're boring, aimless, and pointless. If you're the latter then go enjoy Transformers 2 and be done with you. Rushmore is "technically" my favorite film of the Wes Anderson universe, but I have actually viewed Tenenbaums more. From the funniest non-funny lines around to one of the most haunting suicide attempts on film and from the quiet but powerful testament to family ties and the drive for redemption, I can only hope to write something this complete when I grow up.

OK... let's lighten it up a bit. Let's take on something light and fluffy like the end of the world due to the construction of a hyperspace bypass and the search for the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Is it as good as the book series? Probably not. But is the book series as good as the radio series? You tell me. I started with the books. Is the radio series as good as what was in Douglas Adams' brain? We'll never know. I have no misplaced hopes that non-Hitchhiker fanatics will ever love... or even like... this movie. On it's own, it failed to strike any chords. But, I contend, that taken as just another version of Douglas Adams signature work, this was the film we fans waited for. It stayed true to the roots of the book. (Read: Arthur remained very much British and the whale scene was peeeerfect.) It was a quirky yet smartly textured commentary on human-kind. And that controversial love story between Arthur and Trillian? Douglas Adams' himself had added that into the screenplay, so shut up about it. Regardless of the what the film did or did not do for you... the trailer stands alone as a funny piece.

All right... enough of this blog... it's wasting my night. I've decided on a movie to watch. It's the one that started it all for me. It set me on a path in life that I can never turn from. It defined my humor, my interests, my dreams, and my heart. What? You think I'm weird? Well...

I know you are, but what am I?

The Reason We Gather Here Today...

I was wondering the other day. Aloud. To myself. Why does one really have a blog? What is the real reason society at large has gone blog crazy? And why am I in that mix? Why. Do. We. Blog?

Simple.

We all just want a forum to post links to YouTube videos.

I am no different.

One of my favorite hobbies... when my other hobbies go dry... is to search out my favorite music videos on YouTube. Who doesn't do that? I mean, seriously, they expect you to work for ALL eight hours?!?! So, with no real order nor importance to life, the universe, and everything... here are some of my favorite recent views. And, yes, pretty much all of them are from the mid-nineties... because that's when I was a rock DJ and that's where my soul lives.

The Spin Doctors- "You Let Your Heart Go Too Fast."

I grew a beard to match John Lennon whisker for whisker, but since I tried that circa-1994, I was constantly compared to Spin Doctor frontdude Chris Barron. Perhaps that had something to do with the fact that the Spin Doctors second... not first... album was the first non-Beatle CD I ever bought. That album spawned this "hit." I love the mid-nineties video vibe here... the "let's write a video treatment about a cheeky misadventure for the drummer-storyline." Priceless. They just don't make that any more. Too much posing and posturing these days.

Bonus nostalgia: The line "We won't believe we cared/ I swear/ in a couple of years" was quite the comfort for a lonely, heart on my sleeve loser like myself back then.

Del Amitri- "Roll to Me."



This band is a lot better than this song will have them remembered as... and some props go to Zac Braff for trying to back that notion by featuring this song on Scrubs... but this video was a 1995 A+. I still think those are some of hottest "video chicks" to ever come across the wire. And what is funnier than adult heads on baby bodies? Huh? Huh? That's right... nothing.

The Bottle Rockets- "I'll be coming around."



Unfortunately I cannot find an official video for one of the best songs of the 1994-96 rock music scene. The Bottle Rockets did alt-country rock before Wilco was birthed from Uncle Tupelo and Ryan Adams discovered twang mixes well with power chords. "Radar Gun" and "1,000 dollar car" made waves, but this was a near-perfect pop rock. A hit that should-a-been. For whatever reason I loved this song then, forgot all about it, then dug it up about three years ago. I still play it constantly and it finds it's way on to many-a-mix CD's. Odd. Because it is a pop tune about infidelity. If only it had been a rap song... then it would have been a hit. My girlfriend probably hates the song, but she does laugh when Brian Henneman sings "knocking your back door down" because she's convinced it's a song about the "third option."

Semisonic- "Get a Grip."

Still the best rock band American ignored in the mid to late-nineties. Still the best band to be unfortunately labeled a "one hit wonder." And frontman Dan Wilson, as his current solo work proves, is still one of the best pop songwriters around. Damn it!!! I'm tired of trying to force this band down people's throats. I'll just have to settle for keeping them near and dear in that one corner of my brain where Pretty Woman and the TV show ED live. So, with sex still on the brain from the Bottle Rockets' song, I present the cheekiest song the boys from Minnesota ever put together. There are other songs... great and grand... deep and meaningful... but this one just makes me giggle like a school boy.



Tonic- "Open up your eyes."

Right as I transitioned from back-up DJ, writer, intern, "Ken, where's my coffee" to morning show co-host, Tonic burst onto the scene with this well-written, yearning three and a half minute opus. On the radio alone it sounded straight forward and perhaps a tad too earnest. Then the video hit. Awesome. More than just a silly video of a rollerskating, Tuxedo T-shirt wearing band skating through the suburbs, it also poked fun and took some brazen not so subtle shots at the then current music scene Tonic had set out to "conquer." And, plus, it has the best Mick Fleetwood cameo ever. (Which is a real category. Seriously.)

The Bogmen- "Suddenly."

Do you remember when the earth shattered and this band gave us all the great album "Life Begins at 40 million?" No? Noooo? You didn't know this band existed until just now. You still don't believe this band ever existed. How dare you, sir. The Bogmen were from New York. The Bogmen were funny. I saw the Bogmen live. And I can't wait to tell my grandchildren about the night GrandPop saw them open for the Barenaked Ladies at the Cal Poly auditorium that one night in 1996. Phew. Memories. Hold onto them.

And finally... for tonight's lesson...



That's right, little Timmy. In the 1990's... '96 to be exact... there was a spectacular hit single by a great band remembered only for recording the theme song to the animated show King of the Hill that contained the line "And give your ID card to the border guard/ now your alias says you're Captain Jean Luc Picard of the United Federation of Planets/ 'Cause he won't speak English any way." And it was good. Very good.

Oh, yeah, this is happening...

It should be noted that I was never a Bond fan... unless you count the months spent playing Goldeneye on the N64 in the spring/ summer of '97. But, seriously, I never... liked... Bond. Didn't care one bit about it. Would rather watch Sean Connery as King Arthur in First Knight then worry about Bond shaking and not stirring things or whatever he does. Then Casino Royale came out and something clicked in my brain. I loved it. Maybe it was Daniel Craig? (Taaaassssty!!) Maybe it was the poker? Maybe it was Dame Judy Dench? (Tasssssssty!!)

Now... it's time for Quantum of Solace. Oh, yeah, let's do this s*&t. I think I'm going to go buy a new suit for the event.

Moment

There are key moments in a person's life. Moments that change things and shed light on a new part of life that you never thought possible. There are times when something happens and you are forced by the Universe and God above to sit back and take it in because you know... that now... you can never go back.

Tonight I experienced such a moment.

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight I learned, after a hard day of work and two shots of Tequila, that Kraft Macaroni and Cheese made without the required 4 tbsp of butter tastes exactly like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese made with the required 4 tbsp of butter.

People, we're through the looking glass here.

Left Behind: The Veep's that could have been.

As a registered independent/ strong to right voter, I looked on with reserved glee as morning broke last Friday with the announcement that Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin would be John McCain's running mate. What a wonderful way to take some of the shine and glow off of Barry Obama's paint by numbers/ yet still manages to make lemmings cry/ scares the Repub's because he's good at it speech then to throw a major curveball at the world.

Mitt Romney? Mitt Next Time

Tim Pawlenty? Paw-leeeaaaseee

Joe Lieberman? Wasn't he friends with that other guy we were told to hate?

Duke? Apparently not real.

No, no, no... let's choose a woman. That'll throw 'em. And you know what? It did. Don't let "them" convince you otherwise. They were scared. The curveball came in and they were left standing at home plate asking the ump where the pitch was. Sure. One click to Wikipedia, one YouTube sportscaster clip, and a teenage pregnancy later and the Dem-folk are back on solid ground. (And no longer worried that Barry picked Biden. Joe Biden? The guy Kevin Nealon pretended to be in SNL's early '90's Senate hearing sketches?) Fair enough. In fact... as hard as it is for me to say... I'm kind of wondering if there are some better G.O.P. Veep choices that were overlooked. So, I rolled up my sleeves and researched the idea. Turns out... at least three solid choices were left behind.

1.) Andrew "Andy" Gibford


Andy was born in Poway, CA in 1956 and took a strong liking to government early on. As a Junior at Rancho Bernardo High School, he ran for Student Body President and, according to inside sources, he was the first student ever to run on the "I'll bring a soda machine to the quad" platform. Unfortunately, once it was leaked that Andy's parents only allowed him to drink soda pop on the weekends, many student votes considered him a fraud and his scholastic government career was cut short. Also, many remembered Andy as the kid that cried during most of the 9th grade P.E. Square Dancing program.

After High School Andy moved with a lifelong friend from his Boyscout troupe to Santa Maria, CA. He enrolled in general ed classes at Allan Hancock Community College and soon began Umpiring local little league baseball games from Santa Maria to Arroyo Grande to Pismo Beach. His strong sense of justice and complete understanding of the infield fly rule show that Andy is not lacking in leadership or foreign policy experience... still. While looking for discarded bottle caps and clam shells on the shores of Pismo Beach, Andy met his lovely wife Cherrie. They were married in 1977 and consumated their love in the summer of 1981.

In 1983, Andy took interest in local issues when the Pismo Beach Pier took heavy damage in the great Central Coast storms of that year. He organized a charity group to help pay for the major rebuilding that was needed. The members, in a unanimous vote, named Andy the head of the group that he started. Through gas station car washes and an "all proceeds go to the Pier" booth at the Nipomo swap meet, the group raised $214.52 for the cause. Andy's quick response to such a disaster shows his willingness to act for people in need.

Continuing to build on his interest in politics, Andy wrote a series of strongly worded Letters to the Editor from 1984 to 1999. The letters appeared in the local powerhouse newspaper, The Telegram Tribune, as well as it's rival, The Times-Press Recorder. The topics ranged from the Sierra Club's right to protect certain kinds of weeds found in the local Sand Dunes to the Great Wal-Mart Invasion of 1998. Throughout it all he remained a strong speller.

In 1998 and 2002, Andy moved to nearby Arroyo Grande, CA and unsuccessfully ran for the City Council. He lost both times to a local gas station magnate. Andy's supporters blamed a story that had been unearthed from his High School paper claiming that Andy had lived under the thumb of a 7 PM curfew all the way through high school... except for a 9 PM extension on Prom Night.

Andy didn't let the losses keep him from reaching his goals. In 2005, he and his wife moved to Los Osos, CA. He ran for office in 2006 after the City Council Office had an immediate need for a councilman/ part-time office manager when the incumbant slipped on a coral reef while posing for a picture with his girlfriend in the local tide pools. Since then Andy Gibford has been a strong leader... a man with Executive experience... and he would have been a wonderful choice for Vice President of the United States of America.

He and his wife have no kids... because she's barren. And that's a good thing.


2.) Mary McCullough

Mary McCullough (nee Watson) was born in Corvallis, Oregon in 1973. She attended Corvallis High and was a cheerleader for both the Fall and Winter sports terms. A feet not accomplished before or since; proving that Mary has what it takes to blaze trails and stand alone. When not cheerleading, the bubbly Miss Watson wrote for the school newspaper and dabbled in the brand new "Video Production Class." Popular among all the students, Mary was renowned for her ability to have lunch with the ASB students, tutor the local immigrant kid, and park her brand new Ford Escort right next to the tweakers without fear of reprisal.

After graduating High School in 1991, Mary was accepted to her hometown college, the beautiful Oregon State University. With a major in teaching and a minor in student teaching, Mary was on her way! She took to her studies with determination, but still found time to cheer for the Duck's football team and her new passion; school news. As a writer/ anchor for the Oregon St. News Broadcast shown locally on Corvallis' community access, channel 29, Mary earned quite a following. In fact, many of her fans would stop their hard work on local highways and train tracks to watch her noon time broadcast... they would even watch the repeat broadcast at midnight! Once again proving Mary is a trusted figure. During her junior year Mary, ever the leader, started "Co-Ed's for Abstinence" with two of her best friends, Chrissy and Monica. Mary soon found herself leading the group when Chrissy left school to give birth and a series of home videos Monica and her boyfriend made were circulated around campus.

Right before college graduation, Mary met and fell in love with Cullen McCullough, one of her professors. Cullen even resigned to support Mary in her future endeavours. They were married by the justice of the peace in a beautiful ceremony in the summer of 1995. Seal's Kiss from a Rose was their wedding song. The witness they paid to stand there reportedly wept.

Mary soon got a job teaching 4th grade at Buckman Elementary school. Immediately upon starting her teaching career, she was appalled at the state of the teacher's lounge. She started a grass roots campaign and soon had the support of most of the staff. With a stunning 78% vote, Mary's proposition that a pool be started in which teachers could drop change or loose bills into a Tuppeware container and the money would be put toward buying snacks and new couch cushions was passed. In 1999, Mary, now teaching sixth grade, was named President of the local Teacher's Union. Under her executive leadership the union has remained strong both on campus and at the bargaining table. In fact, when the union was offered a small cut in exchange for a longer deal and a complete restriping of "most" staff parking spaces, Mary held fast and kept her union together by not taking that bridge to nowhere.

In 2001, Mary and Cullen welcomed their first daughter Britney Christina Alanis McCullough into the world. Their second daughter, Kiera Knightly McCullough, was born in 2003. In 2006 it was learned that young Kiera was not going to be the prettiest girl in her class, but Mary stood strong and made the tough choice to keep her daughter registered in that class because "growth spurts can really turn things around."

Throughout it all Mary has remained the President teachers union, even beating popular drama teacher Blaine Bowman (pictured left) in a tough 2006 election campaign. She would have been a wonderful choice for Vice President of the United States of America.

Mary has never competed in a beauty pageant... though she did secretly win a Wet T-Shirt contest during a 1993 Spring Break trip to Billings, Montana.

3.) Darth Vicious

Darth Vicious was formerly known as Dan Gower until he converted to the Dark Side at the 1998 Comic-Con and legally changed his name in honor of the greatly anticipated Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menance. His past history is rather merky, but neighbors around his mother's house in Canoga Park, CA, a place Darth Vicious still lists as his Isolation Chamber and Headquarters, claim that Vicious was a quiet kid who remained homeschooled through his entire scholastic career. He earned a Masters Degree in the Jedi Arts in 1996 with a focus on two-ended light saber defense.

One friend of the Dark Lord of the Girth claimed that, while growing up in the porn capital of America, the husky kid formerly known as Danny Danny Chubby Pants owned every action figure available at the time. Including the less popular ones like M.A.S.K, the Go-Bots, and She-Ra. Yet it should be noted that Darth Vicious didn't stick his hand out and wait for the Government or his Uncle Mert to come by and give him the toys. No, no, no... Darth Vicious worked hard and earned a modest allowance of $1.25 a week and saved up for the chance to collect his action figures. This is a man that knows the value of hard work and the MacGyver action figure.

While working at a Subway on Mason Avenue, north of Devonshire St., Darth Vicious earned a reputation as reliable if not spectacular Sandwhich artist. By the summer of 1998, he was named Assistant Manager, showing that the former Jedi turned Sith Apprentice understands the duties of the second highest position in the country and won't have to ask about it.

Certainly many people will point to the fact that his turn from the Good Side to Dark Side of the force prior to the opening of Comic-Con '98: A Phantom Menance revealed! shows a lack of integrity, but supportors like to remind people that the Dark Side of the Force is just plain cooler... and that's what people go for: cool stuff. Darth Vicious has remained a strong presence in the Sith ranks, a go-to figure in a crazy time following the surprising return of the real enemy, the Jedi. He refuses to back down. Yes, Darth Vicious is ready to defend what he believes in. He would have been a wonderful choice for Vice President of United States of America.

Darth Vicious is a virgin... which is OK because we've already had one of those.

So, there you have it. I'm just not sure about the Palin pick anymore. Sure it was flashy. People and Eskimos in Alaska love her. She might look like Tina Fey enough to trick young, horny liberal voters. Yet when you see what was left on the table... ehhhh... we might just have to end up bowing down and praying to Obama or whatever Revelations says is supposed to happen when he takes Office.

Just do it...

The hardest thing in the world is to just do it. I need to lose weight and get back into some sort of shape. Maybe not my fighting weight and certainly not my High School twig'ness. But, something. So... just do it.

The first step is the hardest.

Two nights ago at Chili's I ordered from the "guiltless" menu. No loaded mashed potatoes, no french fries, no maple syrup on my on Diet Coke.

Yesterday I went to Woodranch and ordered my usual chicken breast, but went with the veggies and rice instead of the mashed potatoes and ranch beans.

Last night I stayed up late watching a mid-night showing of The Devil Wears Prada on HBO, so when morning dawned I didn't want to get up. I wanted to stay glued to my bed in a way that suggests my pillows have hands. But, I got up. Slowly, yeah, but I got up. I dressed and went for my first power walk in weeks.

Victory.... kinda.