Best of You Tube 10-10-09

What do you do after a long day of work with your knees in pain and your head no where near a creative impulse?

You go to You Tube.

Here's what's floating my boat tonight:

The Best of Leon

J.B. Smoove as Leon single handedly saved the first half of season six of Curb and cemented his place in television history as one of the funniest characters ever. EVER.

The dangers of being a television news reporter

One of my favorite hobbies is to find clips of news gone wrong. This compilation has some classics. And by classic I mean a reporter getting hit by an airplane.

She is gone

I'm a lifelong Yankees fan, but I was a twelve year-old baseball fanatic in my little league A's hat watching this at-bat in a family friend's living room. As the ball sailed into the stands (and into the brake lights of the exiting fans) I threw my hat down in disgust, cursing the name of Kirk Gibson. Now: I can recite Vin's call from memory. Go to the seven minute, two second mark for the money shot, but I love this clip because the it is whole at-bat. If you have ten minutes... watch it all and relive the tension, the drama, the moment. Best. Sport. Ever.

Brand New Start

Years ago... when I wanted to kill myself... this song helped make me stop. Thanks, Modfather.

What to read next?

If I learned one thing from watching Reading Rainbow while growing up it would be this: That guy from Star Trek: The Next Generation didn't always wear an air filter around his face.

If I learned anything beyond that it would be that books are cool. I'm down with books. Me likey the read. Often I go through long stretches of not even touching a book. Then I'll go through intense, compact stretches of passionate reading. Most of the other times I just go to Borders and buy some books to make myself feel like I do more than play video games. (Which reminds me: I have another assassination assignment on Assassin's Creed to get to.) Currently I am a mix of all three. I haven't read much, but I'm dying to get deep into one of the books I bought under false pretenses. I recently finished Denis Leary's Why We Suck and quite enjoyed it. His takes are pretty much all spot on and I recommend it to any one with a sense of humor. Those without one should also read it... because your frustration would be funny to me. Any way... I need to choose my next book to read.

So, in true Internet fashion... I'm asking you to help. Here are the choices:

1776- David McCullough

Having torn through my Mother's copy of McCullough's John Adams, I asked to borrow McCullough's book about the most important year of our country's history. I actually started it before I moved twice in what seemed like two days. I stopped, but I was having trouble picking it back up. McCullough's a great writer, but the text can be thick at times. Out of my reading rhythm, I found the task of diving back in a bit daunting.

Pro: I can finally find out if America won that war.

Con: I just read John Adams. I might want to take a break from the Founding Fathers and this book has them crawling all over the pages with muskets and Declarations of things.

Mornings on Horseback- David McCullough

Here I was slightly afraid to dive back into McCullough and the first thing I do is ask my Mom to buy me a book on Teddy Roosevelt. She, of course, buys me this one. Having watched the History channel's program The Presidents over a weekend prior to that frightening hero worship that happened on 1-20-09, I decided that I knew way too little about Theodore Roosevelt. I knew he was a President, a Rough Rider, a big stick carrier, a Bull Moose guy, etc. I knew he liked Yosemite just like me, but really all my knowledge of him stopped there and with what I learned in that Tom Berenger mini-series a few years ago that focused on the Rough Rider-era Roosevelt. So, here the book is... sitting on my computer desk waiting to be selected for reading.

Pro: The book only focuses on the boy that became the man, so I'll learn the deep history of Teddy. Stuff you won't even know.

Con: The book only focuses on the boy that became the man, so all that cool stuff I mentioned above won't be there. It'll kind of be like the time in elementary school when I checked out a Star Wars novel about the Crazy Adventures of Lando Calrissian only to find out that Lando was the only character from the movies in the book.

Billy the Kid: A short and violent life- Robert M. Utley

I love me some Young Guns and Young Guns II. I mean seriously. If those ain't the two greatest movies ever made in the history of talkies then hang me dead, dead, dead. For the longest time I have been meaning to sit down and read about the whole story. Yet, in truth, I've hesitated because I always thought that if I knew the real story then the Young Guns films would lose their luster in my over educated brain. It'd be like watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers with someone who is not able to get over the fact the Elves never showed up to help defend Helm's Deep in the book. And, look, I get it. I'm like that with other things. I hated the Transformers movie because every nerd knows Bumblebee is a VW bug. I'll never get over it. So, long story short, I purchased this book with a little trepidation.

Pro: I'll know the real story.

Con: The book has the worst cover illustration I have ever seen. It's got "Billy the Kid" in a sombrero the size of flying saucer holding a shot gun in front of some fierce looking Cactus (or Cacti or Many Cactusly Cacti). It seriously looks like some bad Where the Wild Things Are: The Cowboy Adventures children's craft time drawing.

Doc Holliday- Gary L. Roberts

While picking up the Billy the Kid book, I looked down a few shelves and saw this one. Now if Young Guns and Young Guns II aren't the greatest movies ever than Tombstone should be in their place. That's a major quote party. So, in the same vein I decided it was time to learn about good ole' Doc. All five hundred pages of him.

Pro: The book's got action, gun fights, and the making of one of the greatest anti-heroes ever.

Con: Apparently Val Kilmer was just an actor and the real Doc Holliday is probably no where near as cool.

Slam- Nick Hornby

I am a Horbyphile. High Fidelity was a life changer. Hornby could have never written another book and I would still follow him to the ends of the Earth in a literary sense. Fortunately he did write more. (About a Boy equals Awesomeness and Long Way Down is very underrated.) After a bit of a lay off from writing novels Hornby returned with Slam, a novel supposedly for young adults. Approaching thirty-three, I am no longer in that demographic despite the amount of GI Joe figures I buy at Target, so I wasn't too keen on reading a book for young adults. Buuuutttt... It is Hornby. I should trust him.

Pro: It's Hornby.

Con: It's still not High Fidelity 2

Fantasy Baseball Player Guide 2009

This one is devoted to one of my nerd passions. I was standing in line with the some of the other books when I realized that the Nerdball Books were out. I got as excited as Navin R. Johnson on new phone book day. I picked up one.

Pro: This book lets me know that its a good thing that I own San Francisco Giants prospect Pedro Sandoval at $2.

Con: This book lets me know that the N.L. catching talent is too thin this season and that after the top N.L. shortstops it will be a scramble to find a serviceable starter. Also, apparently this is not a book, but rather a glossy magazine.

So, there you go. What should I choose? And feel free to throw in your own suggestions. (The Audacity of Hope will not be accepted as a suggestion. Thank you.)

Exposed

Weird facts, stories, and thingamajigs about Ken Napzok, volume I.

* When I was eleven I dressed up like Pee-Wee Herman for Halloween. I went all out. My Mom trucked me around from thrift store to thrift store until we found the perfect gray suit and bowling shoes. I found a bright red bow tie. I had props like an oversized novelty toothbrush and trick gum. For my birthday party, we made our living room into Pee-Wee's playhouse... stuck eyes on couches, pretended stuffed animals could talk, and someone, maybe even my sister- I can't remember, pretended to be Jambi the Genie. It was fun. So, much fun I decided to do it again the next year. Which was probably less fun and a tad more creepy for the same friends.

* I am actually 5' 8 1/2" in height... the same exact size as Bono. I also weigh 308lbs... the same exact size as that small car with the naked chick painted on it in the European version of the "One" video.

* For years I refused to make left turns at uncontrolled intersections. I would plan my driving route around this phobia... often going far out of my way to find a right turn going my way or a turn light. This, oddly enough, ended shortly after I started having sex.

* I didn't have sex for a very long time. Twenty-eight years or so. Some people don't believe me. I think that's because they didn't meet me before I had sex. It's a chicken or the egg thing.

* When I was in the seventh grade a major league baseball player, California Angel back-up catcher John Orton, showed up randomly at our Arroyo Grande house to buy my parents dinning room table. I heard the conversation from upstairs while I played Commodore 64 games and started freaking out. My Mother asked, "Ken, do you know who John Orton is?" I yelled back, pretending I didn't know he was there, "Yeah... he hit his first major league home run against the Yankees." I heard laughter. (It was Orton's sister and brother-in-law, minor leaguer Reed Davis.) "Well, he's in our living room." My Mother made me come downstairs. I stood before him and suddenly became so embarrassed and uncomfortable for absolutely no reason. I turned red and started sweating. A lot. I think I scared Orton and I'm convinced that's why his career never took off. Almost as if he thought, "If this is what being a major leaguer does to kids... I'm out!" It is, what I believe to be, my first documented outbreak of the social anxiety that still plagues me to this day. I thought about getting treatment once, but then I just went back under my covers.

* While it is well-known among my close friends, loved ones, and select audience members from a few early stand-up shows that I came very close to killing myself twice... close as in I just had to take one more step out or pull the trigger... it is not well-known, or at least it is often overlooked, that I have generally tried to stay alive every other day of my life. I don't get enough credit for that.

* Yes. It is true, America. I have fallen asleep while taking showers.

* I am not a thief, but I can finally admit to stealing an arm from a robot shaped pencil eraser toy that belonged to my friend Isaac in the fourth grade. I felt so bad about it that I never stole anything again in my life. Unless you count the time I steal from my job when I get to work and the first thing I do is check my fantasy baseball teams, Facebook, and gossip sites to see if any celebs of note have flashed their engines to any Paparazzi cameras. Oh, and I also stole those Who CD's from my old radio station and still, to this very day, don't feel bad about it... even when I listen to them. I think Pete Townsend would understand.

* If I have the chance to look back at my life before I die, I will always regret not working harder at my radio career. Best. Medium. Ever. Too bad it is dying. Actually... it's just plain dead.

* There was a GI Joe vehicle called the Devilfish (it was a boat) and when it debuted in the comic books I did everything in my power to hide that issue from my Mother because I didn't want her to see the word "Devilfish" on the printed page. To this day, she's never seen it. Phhhheeewwww.

* Sometimes when I get onto a freeway... particularly the 101 at night... I pretend to be in a spaceship about to launch on some important mission. I pretend to talk to a control tower and my fellow space ace freedom fighters. When I exit the freeway I pretend to launch a big missile at some, as of yet, undetermined target. Thankfully hands free became a law and now when I do it people in other cars just think I'm having an animated bluetooth conversation with my agent.

* I don't have an agent.

* I'm a huge Beatle fan, love U2 passionately, carry the Oasis torch even when it's not cool, hate you for not liking Dan Wilson and Semisonic, can't understand why Ryan Adams is not considered a modern day legend, and won't listen to your reasons why Liz Phair sold out, but, really, if I'm being honest, my all-time favorite song could very well be Tom Cochrane's "Life is a Highway."

* I once caught an old roommate masturbating. What upset me the most was that he was doing it on an old computer chair I had just given to him... not that a naked man was sitting in front of fat lady porn with nothing but a napkin in his lap. This strikes some as off-balanced.

* When I was a little kid I saw the 1982 movie version of Annie in theaters and developed a pretty serious boycrush on Annie (played by Aileen Quinn). I'd often have dreams where I was in a different version of the movie. In it Annie and I kid-dated and I helped her escape from the orphanage. Looking back... that would have been stupid because then Daddy Warbucks would never have adopted her and she would have remained poor. I would had to get some stupid job down at the five and dime. She would have had to pick-up extra shifts down at the diner and our lives would have been lame and underwhelming. Stupid, stupid me.

* I have a weird obsession with office supplies and have been known to just walk into an OfficeMax or Staples and buy $100 worth of stuff that I don't really need. And right after that I will pretend to not have enough money to pay for lunch.

* As the security director of the Farmers Market in Hollywood, I once challenged a drunk guy to a fight in the middle of Fairfax Ave. at lunch time. We even stopped traffic. To date: one of the coolest things I've done.

* Not one of the coolest things I've done: Missed work at the same job because I crapped my pants while getting dressed and had to call in sick for something most first graders don't miss school for. Now... most people in my circle know that story... but what's not known is that I crapped my pants again only some six months later. I never told any one because I thought once was a funny moment worthy of a great story, but twice seemed like a serious medical and/or psychological issue that I just didn't want to deal with.

* All of this is true. Very, very true. We'll do it again some time.

Daily affirmation.

Whatever you are about to do... stop. Turn around. Go away. This is useless. Pointless. Usepointless even. Why don't you get some real writing done tonight and work on furthering your career? No, sir, a blog does not "advance the ball forward like a two yard run by the fullback." Blogs will not lead to success. No "Sports Guy" Bill Simmons doesn't count. Noooo.... he does not count. Well, OK, a little bit... but he worked hard. You don't work hard... you're lazy and easily distracted by things like Fantasy Baseball, that video game, and this repeat episode of Storm Chasers... heeeeeyyyy a Super Cell is forming. Deploy the pods, scout team. DEPLOY THE PODS!! Back to the blog, back to the blog.

What? You're writing this blog to shake loose the cobwebs that have set in after a lot of creative inactivity and TWO moves in less than one month? (House to Condo to Two closets connected by common walls) Sure. Whatever. Neat idea, kid. We both know that the second you finish this you're going to go lay down and turn on the (PlayStation 3, Facebook, PlayStation 2) and drift away. Yeah, yeah... I get it. Another long day at the day job. The thing that's not supposed to matter nor keep you from your goals while it provides medical insurance and enough scratch to buy re-issued G.I. Joe action figures. Yeah. Sure. Drift away and start tomorrow. Tomorrow's good. Tomorrow's been coming for ten years, but good idea. Remember when you were a kid? Remember when you'd come home from school... which could be harder than work what with all the homework, social anxiety, and square dance lessons during 9th grade Physical Education classes... and you'd still find time to tape a radio show in your bedroom? You tapped that show with a clock radio and boom box. Now you can go to Best Buy (but not Circuit City) and buy the tools you need to make/ tape/ shoot/ edit/post a show. Do you do it? No. You sit and watch TMZ for the fifth time pretending not to like it. ("I'm a lawyer!")

Why don't you get back into stand-up, you hump?!?! You were just starting to get interesting when you hung it up... the same way you hung up the sketch comedy spikes and the radio spikes. I sense a pattern here: methinks you enjoy walking away from things instead of working hard on things that might lead to success. Oh, also, you like the ego boost you get from walking away from things and having people plead with you to come back to it because you were good. (Key word: were.) That makes you sick... or an idiot... or both. Yeah. Probably both.

So, yeah, keep writing this pointless blog. Add it to the pile of generally useless blogs that you crap out every few months. (Remember when it was weeks? Days? You even fail at failure.) What ever you do... don't make it worth while.

The one about RDJ, WWE Divas, and sex...

I have a great relationship with my girlfriend. We generally share the same temperament, sense of humor, and we both can dig a two day stroll around Disneyland or a Valentine's Night spent at In N Out. We're buddies above all else and, despite an entire country wedged between us, we're doing quite grand. Yet there is one issue that seems to constantly pop up. Every so often it becomes the focus of a conversation, then a debate, then a few uncomfortable silent moments. It reared it's ugly head again: My girlfriend wants to play the "one celebrity" game with me and I flatly refuse.

I think we all know the game: both members of a couple choose a celebrity or possibly five that they are "allowed" to sleep with should the occasion ever arise. Charming, really. Everyone seems to know about this little couples pact. I don't know where we pick it up or when it started. I don't know if a parent ever sat down their children and said, "Kids, your Father was faithful to me every day... except for that one day he and Annette Funicello got stuck in an elevator together while he was in Downey on business. But, it's OK. That was his one celebrity. We agreed. I tried so hard to find Harry Morgan after that, but I never did. " Maybe. Maybe not. Yet however it started... the game remains.

And I won't play it.

It's not that I'm against the game in a general sense. If couples need to play this game as some sort of deep seeded, passive aggressive method to deal with the challenges of monogamy. Fine. I get it. It's harmless. If I was living in Nebraska with some farm girl I'd play the game. "Yes, honey, you can have sex with Tim McGraw. I'm sure Faith Hill will understand... and by the way... if Faith Hill comes to our door..." But, I don't live in Nebraska... I live in Los Angeles. My girlfriend is a Los Angeles child. The game takes on a different tone. Celebrities do exist. They are real people. Live here long enough and you do start to know people that know that one girl from Road Rules Challenge, season 11, Campus Crawl. So, for this reason and others, I won't play the game with my girlfriend.

In more detail:

Now, some of this is personal and not my story to share, but... one of the first things I learned about my girlfriend is that her previous boyfriend had agreed to play the "one celebrity" game, and, quite frankly, he lost. Long story that I choose not to know entirely, but basically: She flew to London to win the game. London! As in London, England. As in a transatlantic flight. To London. To win the game.

Noooooo way I'm playing now. That'd be like entering a poker tournament only knowing the rules to Go Fish. You just aren't winning. Yet she has tried and tried to coax me into the game. First she wanted me to agree to her having Adrian Brody. I thought about it. Would that be that bad? I was about to agree when I learned that one of her good friends had directed Brody in a movie and was still very close with him. Game off!

Then she tried to get me to let her choose a celebrity she didn't have easy access to. She choose Robert Downey Jr. Oops. Sorry. I mean... Robert Downey Jr. I thought about it. Hey, there's no guarantee that I wouldn't choose RDJ myself. Then I learned... two of my good friends worked for his wife Susan. And not "we run to get her coffee" worked... I mean... worked with her. My girlfriend knows those friends. Plus... oooooohhhh plus... one of the charter members of my lady friend's Farmers Market fanclub is a rather famous director and one of his good friends is Bob Downey... as in Robert Downey Sr. This guy doesn't bare any ill will against me I hope, but, he loathes the fact that my girlfriend even has a boyfriend... so I'm sure he could at least arrange a simple RDJ visit just to spite me.

So, no, no game.

And let's stop for a moment... do celebrities have the "one fan" game? "Sorry, honey, I didn't want to have sex with her... but I was her one celebrity. I had to." Maybe there isn't an official "one fan" game, but I'm sure it's been submitted as an excuse many times. Any way...

The issue seemed to die until about a week ago when I suddenly found myself on a conference call with my girlfriend and her roommate back in Tennessee. I was once again being attacked for not playing this game. Her roommate yelling at me, too. My special lady practically pleaded with me to play the game, "Come on... let me have RDJ. I'll totally let you have Stacy Keibler!!"

Aw, yes, Stacy Keibler. One of the legendary WWE Divas and the women that I once told my girlfriend would be my choice should I ever choose to play the game. Truth be told... I don't know if she would be my actual choice... (others on the list: pro golfer Anna Rawson, ESPN's Erin Andrews, actress Michelle Moynanhan, Aussie pop tart Natalie Imbruglia, newsbabe Lauren Sanchez, singer Andrea Corr, and, of course, Liz Phair. Not that I've thought about this.) I just submitted her name because my friend that knows Susan Downey... aka Mrs. RDJ... also knows Stacy Keibler. See, kids, a lot more complicated than it is on the Nebraska plains. Now, before you think that it is a win-win for me: I choose Stacy. My friend gets me to Stacy. Game in place. It's on!!! I win. Let's really look at this:

She's Stacy Keibler:





I'm Ken Napzok:
Game ain't on, friendo's. It. just. ain't. on.

But, if it did happen, that would be the genius of my girlfriend's trap. Then she would rush right out and use her connections to get RDJ, Adrian Brody, and/ or this guy. Somehow... I would still lose.

And really whats the point of the game? If you're committed, you're committed. If you're going to allow for a celebrity then why not allow for a stranger... or a Vegas mistake... or another Vegas mistake?

Or maybe I'm just overthinking it and I should let my girlfriend believe that if she ever runs into Iron Man she can totally throw caution and morals to the wind... and go for it.

I mean... he is Iron Man.

Travel fun

or the quick link for Facebook-land:

Pismo Beach

Let's all go to the lobby...

... to get ourselves a treat.

It's movie time, kids. After a rather nice day off in which I ran a mile, worked on my screenplay, cleaned my bathroom, spit at the Red Sox players every time they came on my TV screen, and still managed to find time to shower, I decided that I was going to cap the evening off with a nice and easy viewing of one my favorite movies. So, I stumbled over to my DVD rack.

I don't have a ton of DVD's. I don't have a ton of DVD's because, as fate would ironically have it, I'm not a huge fan of movies. Oh, sure, the movies that I love... I loooovvveee. And I love adding a new movie to that list. Yet I just don't enjoy taking time out to watch movies I've never seen, movies I'm not sure about seeing, movies someone else tells me to see, etc. Don't ask me why. I don't understand it. I'll go through stretches where I don't see a movie in the theaters for months upon months... even missing movies I've been waiting to see. People have loaned me movies and I'll leave the DVD on my desk for almost a full calendar year before handing it back to the owner and saying, "Oh, yeah, great movie. Loved that scene with the guy doing that stuff before the one thing blows up." They'll respond that it was a period piece drama with no explosions. I'll then run away. Once someone at work forced me to take a DVD I didn't want to watch. I put it in the trash.

So, that said, I only have a small amount of movies to choose from, but they all have some great meaning to me. 95 percent of the movies in my collection have great personal meaning to me. The rest of them are just mistakes or guilty pleasures. So, what movie did I pick?

I didn't pick.

I couldn't decide. I couldn't find any sync in my soul. I couldn't make a choice and stick with it.

So, I did the next best thing. I went on YouTube and watched the movie trailers for my favorite flicks. And when one gets lost on YouTube, that usually means one thing... a lazy blog full of links to those aforementioned trailers with a lame write-up of what it is about those movies and/ or trailers I love.

Sounds like a good idea. Here goes nothing:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

All the hip kids loved this motion picture of love and memory erasing. And, hey, look, there's Frodo and he stole Kate Winslet's panties. Well, I loved it, too. Like many quiet, shy loser dudes of my ilk, I was hooked when Jim Carrey's character wondered why he always fell in love with every woman that looked at him. There was a time... 1988 to 2005... when I did that every other day. The trailer gets points for being quirky, enticing, and... short.

About a Boy

I'm a Nick Horby-phile, so you would think it was a no brainer that I would love this version of Hornby's second best book. (Behind High Fidelity, of course!) Yet the book carries a somewhat different tone and focus than the movie (Set in 1993/ 94, a major subplot of the book is based around Kurt Cobain's suicide.) and the pages never affected me in the way the film did. Despite this somewhat underwhelming and sappy trailer, the movie struck a deep chord with me as I had begun to pull up my emotional stakes and pull out of love and life. I had moved back to the emotional island I first inhabited around 1988. (See above.) This movie, with its main character's isolation boiling over after one final failed attempt to love, was my collective theme song for a long stretch of time. And, seriously, didn't Rachel Weisz capture that "so hot in that please be my girlfriend and then marry me" sorta way?

Shopgirl

Along the same vein is Steve Martin's ode to his own romantic troubles. (I'm sure he'd deny that, though!) The book was good. After a second reading it was really good. The movie draws mixed reactions from even the most loyal of Steve Martin fans. I honestly can't judge the movie because I was so immediately drawn to all three main characters. I've spent time in the emotional shoes of all of them, but, at the time that this movie's release, I was firmly entrenched on the same path as Steve Martin's character, Ray Porter. Despite any good traits, he (I) refused to let himself love or be loved. It is the easier path to shelter than to possibly face pain. I cried in the theater at the end of this movie because I saw it as a warning shot across my hidden heart. To my credit... yeah, MY credit... I listened. The trailer captures the tone of that sparse emotional landscape rather well.

Almost Famous

Cameron Crowe's masterpiece. Say what you will about "show(ing) me the money" or holding a boom box above one's head to woo a girl, this movie is Crowe's best because it is his life story. Young kid magically becomes a music journalist at the tail end of rock's greatest era. Like any Crowe movie it wears it's heart on it's sleeve. Just the way I like 'em. The trailer is straight forward, but epic in nature... plus it allows one a peak at a pre-Office Rain Wilson. And for trivia buffs, this picture is the first time many of us nerd-like dudes said, "Who's that?"

Love, Actually

Yep. I like it. I bought into it. I like it when Hugh Grant stumbles and bumbles his way into love. I loved the cheesy nature of it. I love when the kid ran after the girl. I like when Rowan Atkinson returns to save the day. I liked the lovey-dovey-ness of the whole thing. I'm sorry!

Collateral

Fine. I'm done with the romantic comedies. How 'bout a ruthless sociopath meets a failed dreamer of a cab driver? Oh, that's right, you don't like Tom Cruise. He's crazy, jumps on couches, worships aliens. Yep, yep. I'm with you, too. He's nutty. Don't care. I love some of his work and this is the best for my (color of) money. He made the killer just sympathetic enough that you started to root for him. (This and Alec Baldwin in The Cooler are the text book lessons on doing that.) I am forever drawn to this movie because I am both Cruise's killer and Foxx's cabbie. Bonus clip time.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Let's keep the gunshots going... Oh, yeah, now you all love him. Iron Man! Iron Man! Whatever. For my money, RDJ "came back" in this 2005 picture. Funny and suspenseful with some of the best commentary on the H-Wood/ Los Angeles scene you can find. If you don't like this movie, I'll probably stop being friends with you. For at least a few days.

Magnolia

After Roller Girl and before he taught you all to "drink your milkshake," Paul Thomas Anderson sent this gem into the world. I was mesmerized by this trailer. I honestly think it's as epic as the film itself. There's something about the Ricky Jay voice over and ominous Jon Brion score that roped me in back in ol' 1999. Some will live and die by Boogie Nights and I cannot take that away from those folks, but Magnolia affected the way I looked at screenwriting and got me hooked on stories about tremendously flawed yet redeemable characters. I actually have not allowed myself to watch this movie for years because I want to one day put it in and have it affect me all over again. And, hey, look, more Tom Cruise!

The Royal Tenenbaums

Either you love Wes Anderson films or you think they're boring, aimless, and pointless. If you're the latter then go enjoy Transformers 2 and be done with you. Rushmore is "technically" my favorite film of the Wes Anderson universe, but I have actually viewed Tenenbaums more. From the funniest non-funny lines around to one of the most haunting suicide attempts on film and from the quiet but powerful testament to family ties and the drive for redemption, I can only hope to write something this complete when I grow up.

OK... let's lighten it up a bit. Let's take on something light and fluffy like the end of the world due to the construction of a hyperspace bypass and the search for the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Is it as good as the book series? Probably not. But is the book series as good as the radio series? You tell me. I started with the books. Is the radio series as good as what was in Douglas Adams' brain? We'll never know. I have no misplaced hopes that non-Hitchhiker fanatics will ever love... or even like... this movie. On it's own, it failed to strike any chords. But, I contend, that taken as just another version of Douglas Adams signature work, this was the film we fans waited for. It stayed true to the roots of the book. (Read: Arthur remained very much British and the whale scene was peeeerfect.) It was a quirky yet smartly textured commentary on human-kind. And that controversial love story between Arthur and Trillian? Douglas Adams' himself had added that into the screenplay, so shut up about it. Regardless of the what the film did or did not do for you... the trailer stands alone as a funny piece.

All right... enough of this blog... it's wasting my night. I've decided on a movie to watch. It's the one that started it all for me. It set me on a path in life that I can never turn from. It defined my humor, my interests, my dreams, and my heart. What? You think I'm weird? Well...

I know you are, but what am I?